SUICIDE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN YOUR ANSWER

"Suicide is not the answer."
With every new case, you heard that phrase.
With every new vice, you heard that advice.
But only because of the amount of truth it conveys.

"Suicide is not the answer."
You should have believed that phrase,
If you had asked, you'd have been given a better answer;
There's never a quicker relief for the pain, but there's hope.

We found you yesterday morning;
In your bed, dead and cold.
They didn't have to say it was poison, I saw the bottle.
I still just can't believe you're gone.

The only real friend I ever had.
The one true friend I shared my deepest, darkest secrets with;
Secrets you swore to take to the grave with you,
But I didn't expect you'll be taking them there so soon.

We were supposed to live together till ninety,
Be each other's children's godmothers;
Terrorize both our children like our moms did us.
But with one swig, you took away both our dreams.

With one swig, you left my unborn children without a godmother.
With one swig, you denied me the opportunity to be a godmother.
With one swig, you denied your mom the ability to be a mom.
With one swig, you denied your mom the opportunity to be a grandmom; even a mother-in-law.

A wise man once said, "Committing suicide didn't end the pain, it only passed it onto others."
And not just others; others who had no business causing you pain.
To people who loved you unconditionally, you repaid love with pain.
To people who would have laid their lives down for you, you took their lives by taking yours.

Suicide shouldn't have been your answer!
You were strong! Stronger than your weaknesses!
Heck! I drew strength from you!
Now I'm left thinking if it was all a lie, and if I'm really just weak.

Suicide shouldn't have been your answer!
Your mom, she taught you better;
Showed you how to be strong.
But now all I see is a woman whose eyes are empty.

She hasn't said a word since we found you,
She hasn't blinked either.
She hasn't eaten, let alone showered.
She's a shadow of the woman that raised you and unfortunately, you're to blame.

Then there's me, me who she raised alongside you.
I just sit here in your room and cry all day;
Wondering if you thought about me before you turned that cap,
Or if you thought only about people who don't care that you're dead.

I want to believe you're smiling down from heaven.
I want to believe that in the end of it all, you got your peace.
But then, how can you be at peace looking down at the people you loved and seeing them so miserable?

Suicide shouldn't have been your answer!
You had so much to offer the world,
So much to offer yourself too;
But you let people who didn't know you, take that from you.

Again, you've denied the world the good in you.
You've denied the world all your big dreams.
You've denied the world the chance to watch you take over their planet.
You've denied yourself the chance to prove them all wrong.

You allowed them win, for that I feel sorry.
And I hope that it was worth it;
That the present state of your mother,
And the sadness in my heart, were all worth what you wanted.

And if it wasn't, I'll only pray that you find what you sought
Because I love you forever.
And though I'll forever hold on to the pain you've caused me,
I'll pray that you find what you were looking for, wherever you are.

—Onwumah Ozed
©2020