DEAD LIVING

She was such

a pretty little thing.

She had blond curls

and piercing blue eyeballs.

You could get lost

in her beauty.

She had always been

a sight to behold.

She always wore

a shy expression 

and a smile,

little dimples peek

out of her cheeks 

whenever she smiled.

You couldn't help

but wonder how God

created such a fragile

and beautiful creature.

Alongside her beauty,

she's got a wonderful attitude.

Always so pleasing, 

always so kind.

She never gets offended,

she never frowns,

she never throw fits.

Such a perfect,

little creature.

As her twin,

I was anything but.

Where she was pure,

I was tainted.

Where she was faultless,

I was the direct opposite.

You just cant help it,

she was from the Good Lord

and I from the bad.

I envied her,

I hated her,

I loathed her.

She was always getting

all the affection

and attention.

I always wanted to be seen.

I just wanted 

to be acknowledged.

Then one day,

just out of the blue,

I decided to scar

her pretty face.

I cooked it 

all in my mind.

I already completed

the whole plan 

in my head.

While she was asleep,

I took the knife to her bed.

I moved closer to her face.

I was so close,

I could feel her breathe on me.

I brought the knife to her face

Its blade glinted

in the moonlight 

straining its way 

into the room.

The tip of the knife

close to her face,

I was ready to strike;

then I had second thoughts.

I felt that it wasn't her fault,

She didn't ask 

to be so beautiful,

She didn't ask 

to be so innocent,

She didn't have a say 

in how I turned out to be.

She didn't intentionally

turn everyone against me.

As I wanted to 

withdraw the knife,

then she turned,

she shifted,

she changed position.

I can't explain

what happened in that second.

All I saw was Red.

She opened her eyes

and I thought,

she was effortlessly striking.

Her face was just cool,

No anger,

No pain,

No fear

Just love, only love.

Blood gushed out,

the both of us locked

in an eye contact challenge.

I didn't call out,

I couldn't.

All I could think of 

was how we

looked just the same.

The both of us

so alike.

I just couldn't,

I couldn't leave her then.

I stoked her flawless cheeks

and she raised her

hands to mine.

Then she smiled.

That was when the weight,

the gravity of what I had done

dawned on me.

She smiled!

While she kept on smiling,

I was crying.

It was later I was thinking

of what a scene we 

would have made.

Mirrored images 

staring at each other

with different expressions.

I can't remember

how long we were like that,

hours, minutes, 

time just rolled by.

I felt someone tug me

Who?

I don't know.

She was pried out

of my arms,

snatched and carried

to the door way with 

Screams and shouts;

coupled with anguish 

and lividness.

The castle was soon in chaos,

Everyone in random motion,

Nobody cared what time

of the day it was.

I was the only still person

in more than 500 inhabitants.

I felt like I was viewing

all through a camera.

It didn't feel real.

It was a long time after

before I was asked what happened.

I was speechless,

I wasn't even sure if 

my vocal cords 

were still functioning.

I was for once

in my life, quiet.

That was the last day I saw her,

The last day I thouched her,

The last day of her life,

The last day of normalcy

in our lives.

I never really grew up.

I'm older but my life is stuck,

stuck at that day I made a mistake,

stuck at that day I took the life

of a four-year old girl.

If I could go back,

I would have done things differently.

Had it been I had

access to a time-machine,

I would have made a different choice.

I wish I wasn't born at all,

I wish I wasn't so vile,

I wish I was the victim,

I wish a lot of things.

I can't say I wish I died that day

because I am the true 

definition of the

dead living.

©Tianah O.O